Credit: Harper's BazaarSunday, 31 May 2009
Harper’s Bazaar: When the Simpsons Went to Paris (...quite old but still fun)
Credit: Harper's Bazaar
Saturday, 30 May 2009
Funny story... Economic Models explained with Cows:
SOCIALISM:
You have two cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
You have two cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM:
You have two cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM:
You have two cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM:
You have two cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM:
You have two cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option to buy more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.
THE ANDERSEN MODEL:
You have two cows.
You shred them.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
But you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows.
None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option to buy more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.
THE ANDERSEN MODEL:
You have two cows.
You shred them.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
But you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows.
None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
Credit: can't remember
Wednesday, 27 May 2009
Saturday, 23 May 2009
Friday, 22 May 2009
Thursday, 21 May 2009
Saturday, 16 May 2009
Find of the Week: Disney plasters
Obsessed with all things Disney - Elastoplas Disney plasters are a true Find of the weekLove and kisses,
mimi
Friday Night at Bistrotheque…
What could be better than watching drag queens miming to other people’s songs? It was so much fun, I didn’t want to leave… In fact, I am going back next week... see you there…
http://www.bistrotheque.com/entertainment - The LipSinkers
Wednesday, 13 May 2009
True Story... by Miss Piggy
"Never eat more than you can lift"
"Never eat anything you can't lift"
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye"
"Only time can heal your broken heart just as only time can heal his arms and legs"
"There is only one gift you should accept on your first date – diamonds"
"Many people think money is something to be set aside for a rainy day. But honestly, how much money do you really need for a dozen or so hours of inclement weather?"
"I am a pig, and as a pig, I have always stood out"
"Moi speaks body language fluently, although with a slight French accent"
"The early bird gets the worm – which is what he deserves"
"You have to be going to a pretty awful place if getting there is half the fun"
"As far as blind dates are concerned, moi does not discriminate"
"Never eat anything you can't lift"
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye"
"Only time can heal your broken heart just as only time can heal his arms and legs"
"There is only one gift you should accept on your first date – diamonds"
"Many people think money is something to be set aside for a rainy day. But honestly, how much money do you really need for a dozen or so hours of inclement weather?"
"I am a pig, and as a pig, I have always stood out"
"Moi speaks body language fluently, although with a slight French accent"
"The early bird gets the worm – which is what he deserves"
"You have to be going to a pretty awful place if getting there is half the fun"
"As far as blind dates are concerned, moi does not discriminate"
Sunday, 10 May 2009
Thought of the day:
Is it me or did all the ugly boys in the office suddenly got themselves girlfriends and just would not stop mentioning it? I am so tired of getting ‘oh, my girlfriend…’ as a response to my question about what time it is or whether it is raining outside. Are they for real? But more getting to the point, why? Why do they think they need to bring it up instead of answering the questions that I actually ask? (… and believe you me – I would never ask about their girlfriends – I have no time for that) Is it because they would think: “well I work in IT and I am not very good-looking (or not good-looking at all)… so people may assume that no girl will fall for me – but HA! I prove them wrong! and guess what – I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!” Or is it because they think: “well I work in IT and I am not very good-looking (or not good-looking at all)… but this cute Russian girl with long blond hair must be after me so I must let her down gently – I must warn her that I have a girlfriend before she makes a fool of herself and asks me out”… Are they for real? Please, boys stop and think: there are only 2 answers to the question: “Is it raining outside?” Is either ‘yes’ or ‘no’ (well, maybe also ‘I don’t know’) but it’s NEVER ‘oh, my girlfriend…’
Love and kisses,
mimi
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